Sense of Direction: How I Miss Thee

This Blog is pretty self explanatory. I get lost. OFTEN.

Original Blog Date: Thursday, October, 28, 2007

Who would've known? Some people are born without a sense of direction, but they can still read a compass and have a clue. Me? Not so simple. I couldn't get a sense of direction if I got it through an IV!

So yesterday, I had a workshop in Margate to go to and mistake 1 was NOT printing out the MAPQUEST Directions when I had the chance. I already know I get lost easily, what made me believe I could pioneer my way to this place?

I left work early (for those in the know- this was a hassle and a half) and I headed on my way. TRAFFIC WAS A BIZNATCH! I was on the phone with Emory for a while before he went to class we discussed the negative effects of Venezuelan government; interesting debate.

I get on the highway after years of inching my way through the streets and it's JAMMED! I need to be at this place at 6PM I have no idea how to get there and I'm debating Chavez...who do I think I am MERLIN?

So I'm driving, so slowly I'm watching evolution occurring around me. I get to a place. At 6PM. The nice security guard tells me she doesn't know what I'm looking for but there are classrooms all down the way, I can search for where I'm supposed to be. Fantastic. I search ALL the classrooms and NOTHING. I go back to her she tells me she's new and to talk to some old lady.  After 2 hours of searching (typing with extra long red nails and using only her index finger) she asks me if I know the address and I tell her and she's like "You're in the wrong building!" YOU need to head WEST... "WEST" what a concept- too bad I have NO IDEA where "WEST" is unless I'm staring at a map of the US and I can see WEST =CALIFORNIA... I don't know what's "WEST" from where I'm standing. I never have, and I have lost all hope that I ever will.

So, I act like I knew what she was saying and left. I was 30 minutes late to this thing now so I contemplated making a U-ey and going home. But something told me to try and find the place, not to give up. I ended up following the road until it ended and the place was nowhere to be found I ended up in a GORGEOUS housing development. I turned around and headed straight back to the highway. Now all I have to do is head south (which is funny I know that much and yet I can't figure out "WEST") so I got on the interstate south. Now, I know how to get home from other places, but not from the interstate. I usually get off of it near my old house (very out of the way) and then climb up the streets and go home. But yesterday since I was little-miss-risk-taker, I decide to look for the correct way home. I get off of I-95 and get on 826, my address says W so I took 826W. Smart move right? OK.

I live on what's KNOWN AS 4AVE but it REALLY something else... I'll get to that in a second because there's where I ROYALLY FRIGGIN' BLEW IT! I see on 826W 12th AVE, and I live on fourth so I think W means the avenues are decreasing I should be the next exit.

Next exit 17th/22nd AVE... NOT IT! I get off to turn around, but when I get off the only thing to get back on is the FLORIDA TURNPIKE and that was going to head for Orlando and that's not where I was headed as much as I would've wanted to! SO I decided, "OK, you live off 1** ST and 4AVE, go decreasing in STREETS and then turn left or right on 17th to look for 4th...rational thought right? 

Well I head one way, and on 157 there's a curb only to the right.... I turn around and decide, "OK, look for 4th avenue first then go down streets. make a left...22nd ave...which when I got off of the 826 was to my right but whatever... so then I turn around and I get to 8th ave...

1 word described 8th AVE : DODGY!!!! OOH BOY- THAT'S THE PLACE YOU GO WHEN YOU WANT TO DUMP YOUR CAR AND CLAIM IT'S BEEN STOLEN FOR INSURANCE MONEY! It's SCARY! It's nearly 8PM now and I am S-C-A-R-E-D... so I turn around in a giant never-ending circle, and SOMEHOW, someway, I FIND the Turnpike thing again. I say fuck it! And I hop on, then I see...to 826E.. I think if west was increasing East will be decreasing... WRONG!!

Elaine is now Downtown by the beach! What's wrong with ME?!?!?!? I'm flipping out, so I decide I'm getting back on I-95 although my only option here is N which is where I came from. So, I say, I'm just going to start ALL over.

Here's goes nothing. I get on I-95 N. Then I get off on the next available exit to get back on I-95 S. OF COURSE NORMALLY, when someone gets off a highway exit and wants to get back on in the opposite direction for the MOST part you make a left and then the next left. Well, not where Elaine got off... NO it was a right. But Elaine made a left.... and there wasn't a U-Turn for like a mile... (I'm running low on gas here)...
I make said U-turn nearly get on I-95 N and then realize fatal mistake and get back on Southbound. GREAT FANTASTIC.

At this point I have GIVEN up and I call my father... HE'S SLEEPING and here I am coming up on the exit and I don't know where to go.."QUICK WAKE HIM! It's AN EMERGENCY!" I tell my mother. She wakes my brother (the guy who's got a great sense of direction- my guess is he took his share plus mine) and I tell him, he tells me HERE'S THE KICKER KIDS!!! I am supposed to get off on 57AVE off of 826W.... 4th AVE is only 4th AVE in HIALEAH (the shittiest CITY EVER!!!) and it's really 57th AVE to the REST OF MIAMI!!!! SO I got off there and suddenly birds chirped, the clouds disappeared, and a rainbow erupted through the sky and shined through my car.

Time of ARRIVAL at home: 8:15PM.

NEVER AGAIN PEOPLE. I can smell the GPS navigation system on Christmas morning!! I really can.

Who can live like this??? I got home crying of the excitement to know I survived my ordeal! I mean I could've been killed on the back street of 8th AVE... I don't have a friggin' clue where I was!

Seriously.

Update: You'll be so happy to know, I have a Garmin GPS system now and I named her Gigi, she's really lovely. I did not receive her Christmas morning instead I stole her from my father's business, as he originally bought it for deliveries. Tough! I need it more. My dad is the human GPS. Gigi has been great to me, she got me through tough times in Orlando, got me to Virginia, Texas, and Oklahoma, she's a little outdated but I promise to buy the latest maps as soon as possible. 

Want to guess how many times a trip I hear Gigi say, "recalculating"?