Speed Racer, Thy Name is Elaine

In my defense, I can't help it.

Original Blog Date: Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Speeding- seriously, how dangerous can it be if everyone is doing it uniformly- if we're all going 100 how can it be unsafe? Flippin' A!

And seriously WHY ME?!

 

TICKET NUMERO UNO: Driving back from the KEYS- insert in car, one British kid, one Texan, and one Chi-town "raibow."

Clocked at 63 in a 35- who knew the Keys have 900 different speed friggin' limits!? DAMN IT! $200-some odd smackers Thank you Seargant Fuck-Me!

Yesterday 1 in the AM: NO ONE IS ON THE  FRIGGIN' ROAD! THERE'S A MINI GOING DOUBLE WHAT I'M DOING- A MERE 80... Come on I'm practically walking this bitch. LIGHTS! PANIC! Action.

Officer:"I clocked you at 88."

Me: "Are you kidding, I was definitely NOT doing more than 80 on this curb, and if I'd slowed down you woulda bit me in the ass."

Officer: "No, I was doing 110 and I still couldn't catch up to you."

Me: "In all honesty, I definitely think you clocked the dude before me."

Officer:"No, I followed you...you were weaving." (THAT'S A LIE)

Whatever....

INCREDIBLE! I mean DAMN IT!!!

The best part of all this was when the guy pulls me over I start making deals with God... after watching Evan Almighty, and telling my friend how I don't have faith. GOOD TIMES.

SO now I have like over $400.00  in tickets, and I feel that it's either a sign I'm going to croak in a car accident or that cops are just trying to give ticket's to Mitsubishi drivers...It's making Me-SO-Bitchy!!!

Alright, so the moral of the story here, kids, is, go the speed limit.

I even told the cop that  I thought the speed limit seemed to be more like a suggestion- no one cared...

Officer: "Yea, I know, like right now, I'm writing you up and these people are going like 80 but I don't care about them." (Thanks Lieutenant Lucky-Straw!)

Yea, tickets blow, so I decide let's try this old Speed limit thing. Maybe senior citizens know something I don't. SO I TRY going at 35 when I was at the Keys (I could've ran alongside it and passed it)... then last night I tried again (practice must make perfect) started out at 55 then before I knew it I was going 70... Well, can you believe it, some guy passed me and gave me the get-off-the-road-slow-poke face!

I mean in order to appease him I would've had to go like 90....The best part is that I go slower in my new car than I used to in my old car.... I've always driven 90-100+ and now I go 80 or less and it's like every cop in the world has their damn radar gun pointed at me...

WILL I EVER LEARN?

Update: Since then, I continue to speed, but I certainly try not to a lot more than before. I recently got pulled over during the summer on a drive up to stay with a friend in Orlando. The cop said, "You weren't the only one speeding, there were two other cars, a Jeep, and another SUV, you were just the one who pulled over fastest!" Guess I did a different sort of speeding, but no ticket this time! YAY!