I Am Who I Am

I make no apologies.
Recently, I found out that a friend of mine (ex, now) had ceased to speak to me. I spent the entire summer, fall and winter mind-fucked trying to figure out what the matter was.

Apparently,  I spent a week at her house and she claimed I complained excessively and I picked on her fiance (now husband) too much.

Well, a couple things are at play here.

One, first and foremost, to begin (I can't get enough transitions in here), I am who I am. I don't remember the week in question but I was under the impression we had a FANTASTIC time. I loved her home, I thought it was cozy and sweet, they went out of their way to accommodate me. I don't recall the complaining (I am not copping out- wait for secondly). I was grateful, I tried to not be a bother, I didn't request much, if I needed anything I bought it for myself, I didn't ask for handouts. I don't have much money so I didn't offer to by much.
Now, I believe if you're TRULY friends with someone you should be up front with them. I shared a room with said person the ENTIRE week, not once did she mention, "hey, Elaine, could you tone it down, you said this, this, and this, and it really upset me." No. Instead they took the route of Brittany Murphy in that film with Michael Douglas, "I'll never te-ell!" And continuously LET me make an alleged ass of myself.

Things I didn't enjoy:
The beach. It's the Gulf of Mexico. I am from Miami and I like my Atlantic ocean. I found it muddy and dirty and I didn't like it. But I wasn't there to write a review on Texan beaches, I was there to have an AMAZING time with my friends (which I THOUGHT we HAD HAD!)
Some of the local food. I'm Hispanic, I don't like Mexican food automatically. Just because Texans think Hispanics are all Mexican doesn't mean you have to go out of your way to make me Mexican food (which is way different than the Miami food I am used to knowing as "Mexican") and I most certainly don't like Spicy food. But I wasn't there as a food critic, I was there to eat with my friends!
I don't know, I don't think I would've even cared if we had done nothing but stay at the house ordering Pizza Hut all week and watched Disney movies. I was there to be with my friends and that's all I cared about, so everything else was superfluous. As far as the fiance was concerned I was just trying to make good with him because I'd just met him. I don't know how I acted but it must've not been good and again NO ONE said anything to me, and so I kept making a COMPLETE ass of myself. MAybe I still haven't learned how to act around my friends boyfriends.

Secondly, I'm borderline extreme. To know me is to love me. I am very passionate, it is probably a composition of different things. My hispanic culture (which I constantly try to deny) my devotion to my friends and my personality and the fact the I don't think I have a filter. So I make NO excuses for the things that I say. Because when I like something, I mean really like something, I can't stop talking about it. I mean compliments, great descriptions, I mean I'll put it on a pedestal. By the same token, if I don't like something, I will mention it as well. I try not to beat a dead horse about it, but I will speak my mind, and who better to do that with, than with your friends! Now, if I really, truly, despise something, I won't say a word. My silence is fierce. You don't want me quiet.

So there you have it. It's unfortunate I lost my friendship but I guess this would have happened sooner or later, I think a better (not truer because I don't think it was fake) friend, would have stepped up to the plate and told me, "Hey, pipe down, Elaine your saying this, that, and the other is bothering us." Would I be upset about it? Oh yea, but I would check myself. It's not asking much!

Oh well, there's a lesson here. I don't blame the person, I don't blame myself, but I will attempt to rectify and maybe censor myself in the future.

I do miss my friend, not for her Texan beaches, or her spicy food, but her laughter, her humor, and her sense of self worth which I felt was much like mine. I wish her the best. Always.