Broke and Pulled Over... AGAIN

This blog is the last of the OLD blogs that I am pasting in here.  After this one all of them will be current. Here is another officer+me debacle and the story of how I made it home with $16 from Orlando to Miami.

Original Blog Date: Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Alright, first off I want to say, that I LOVE DISNEY and I HEART ALL MY DISNEY FRIENDS new and OLD!

Now with that said, I also want it to be noted I am keeping FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER EVER EVER- a checkbook.

So, on the weekend of the ninth which I originally meant to go to to visit Heather and hang out with the Yoffe (apple of my eye), I had .02 cents in my bank account- yes, that little because I have a million bills and I am a TERRIBLE budgeter.

I moved it to last weekend. I had way more than I thought I would in my checking account and I left to Orlando HAPPY as a CLAM (however that might measure) and had a great time with Heather.  

Saturday morning (I decided to check my account versus my checkbook) I look online and I am overdrafted by nearly $400.00 dollars and counting! I flipped out- I think I held it together better because I'm a seasoned overdraft pro and because Heather was right there in the room. I looked in my wallet and I thought I had $18 which would inevitably have to be designated to gas for my trip home- and I could not tell my parents I was broke because like a retard, I lied and said I was at the beach (in Miami) instead- because I knew they wouldn't approve of me making that trip knowing how broke we are currently. This was just a slap in the face and insult to injury in a beautiful little package!

I tried not to let it get to me, and I ended up playing in the parks with Heather as if nothing were wrong, except I kept having the urge to buy things and obviously could not do so- by Fastasmic I was starving and it was breaking my heart to have Heather know- especially because she's on Disney pay...

The reason I overdrafted was because my grandmother loaned me $400 to begin the process of my citizenship before the prices went up and I spent it (after I thought that the money had been lost (because I failed to certify that precious piece of mail) and I used it on another Orlando trip this past August. (Which I had a blast on- but should've declined to go).

The next morning I Mapquested my way home avoiding tolls. I have a little over half a tank of gas, and Mapquest suggest taking US-27, or as I was once told, "Bloody 27." So I'm freaking out but I decide to screw it because at least I am avoiding tolls and saving money. Turns out US-27 has 1 million stop lights! And they all seemed to turn red as I passed them... I mean seriously, there's no-one on the road, I get near the light and boom, it's red! So, every time I had to stop I prayed that my gas would not leave me deserted on this scary ass road. I mean there's one house every 4 million miles and it all seems to say, "TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE."

So I'm looking for budget gas, and I decided against $3.09 in Orlando (A mistake I will come to pay for). Suddenly, I'm seeing there are NO MORE towns/ gas stations ANYWHERE around and I have no idea where I am, and I...GET PULLED OVER!! YAY!

I was doing 85 (out of fear) and it was a 65 zone. Officer Walker of the "It's-my-job-to-pull-over-Elaine" police department of "Elaine-is-targeted-on-all-radar-in-this-town," asks me for my usual speeding credentials which I gladly offer over only after PLEADING (seriously) for him not to give me a ticket.

SO he goes back to his car, drinks something from his mug, comes out to the back of my car, and squats below it and then goes back to his car, and I'm meanwhile with my head on the steering wheel giving the theatrical performance of my young life! The shaking was involuntary but at this point the tears streaming and the mascara running were OSCAR winners. I also did not fail to mention to Officer Walker- that he had my favorite last name in the world.

Alright, now he's been in his car for all eternity- setting me back in time and in gas... HE comes back to my car to tell me, "Please step out of the vehicle." WHAT THE FUCK?!!?!?!? Don't they know not to do that to people who are not regulars on COPS!?!?!

It was to ask him to pleasure him sexually...NOT. Instead however, he told me my tag had been tampered with and was more than likely expired so he was giving me a break on the speeding ticket and gave me a $74.00 ticket for the tag. Cops hate me, it's official. For the rest of the drive home (where I kept speeding- sorry kids- 65 is walking!!) I kept thinking if I get pulled over again, I'm going to pull out the ticket from Officer Walker and tell the new cop, "No Need, THANKS- I've got it covered!!" and be on my way.

So, I finally see a gas station after miles and miles of road and "BEAR X-ing" signs and a DEAD monkey sighting. The gas here is $3.24 and with good reason! I skipped it looking for a cheaper deal, but I ended up passing the only gas station for miles and miles around!  Finally, scared and running low on petrol, I hit West Palm- but it's not the West Palm known and loved by all, it's West Palm- "PIONEER Country." I keep praying my gas tank will let me survive till like Ft. Lauderdale, but I get on I-75 and I know I'm nearly home free.

 Mind you- a little tidbit to add- for the majority of this ride I had NO CELL PHONE SIGNAL- which in and of itself is PETRIFYING- DON'T TRY IT SOMETIME. So, I got off on Miramar Parkway and paid $16.50 at $3.22 per gal. (should have gotten gas at $3.09) and I got home at 2:30PM that afternoon.

Needless to say it was a frightening experience, but I have LEARNED! I am smarter, better,  and stronger for it! But I'm still BROKEst as well.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY ALL!

Update: I vowed that to be the last time I planned spontaneous trips without truly knowing how much money I had. I have been as good as possible with budgeting, but it is not easy. I hate math and I don't keep that ole checkbook anymore. I also know it would have been cheaper to go home on I-95 because stop/start driving wasted more gas. I have been pulled over only once since and I am still paying for it on my insurance.

I am no longer broke but I suspect it's only a matter of time. I lost $100.00 just yesterday. *I found it today though.

 

When Things Are Good

You know how David Letterman has a top 10? Here was mine in November 2007

Original Blog Date: Tuesday, November 13, 2007

TEN THINGS I'M PSYCHED ABOUT (Thanks for the idea Anne)

1. Thanksgiving- my first in my new home!! And the first traditional one in a LONG time!

2. HODGEPODGE Thanksgiving party that weekend. Thanks for the title Jackster.

3. Disney on the 16th! Visiting Heather and seeing my new place.... :)

4. Having my wisdom teeth pulled (I know it sounds awful - but hey it's one less worry!!)

5. Talking to Whitney and Anne about possible summer plans to be in Orlando and Miami, and LOS CAYOS!

6. PASSING MY FLORIDA TEACHER CERTIFICATION EXAM!!! I mean when I was in that testing room and the guy next to me told me he'd taken it 9 TIMES! CONFIDENT:SHATTERED! FACT! But I passed ANYWAY! TAKE THAT LOSER GUY! I mean I feel bad for him, but really. NO need to bum me out DUDE!

7. MY Bedroom and that fact that I actually LIVE in it now! Although it's probably going to be short-lived but I mean I would've hated saying, "Yea, I never lived in MY OWN Bedroom, before I moved to Orlando!"

8. NOT OVERDRAFTING- In a world where purchases are so often made without sufficient funds, I'm proud to say, I am KEEPING a checkbook, and it's GOING A-OK.

9. MY GREAT SUPPORTIVE FAMILY! Who no matter what believes in me, and feels so great to have in my life as the once constant no matter what comes.

10. My friends, who are so great, whenever I need them or want them, they're there. They love me even when I'm broke, or in a bummed mood. Through the good and bad, and the ugly.

Life it's really great- even when it's bad- but right now it's pretty good. By right now, I mean, AU JOURD'HUI.

Update: Thanksgiving was beautiful, minus a minor event with the association meeting during my Macy's T-Day Parade.

HodgePodge party never went down, but it's OK. I still live in said bedroom however plans to move to Orlando are always playing in my mind. It's been a long time since my days of overdraft, but it happens occasionally, it's still a work in progress. My family is still great. Like anyone else we have ups and downs but during the holidays we're fantastic. My friends also have highs and lows, but there's good in each of them. Life is great now too, which I can never take for granted.

Sense of Direction: How I Miss Thee

This Blog is pretty self explanatory. I get lost. OFTEN.

Original Blog Date: Thursday, October, 28, 2007

Who would've known? Some people are born without a sense of direction, but they can still read a compass and have a clue. Me? Not so simple. I couldn't get a sense of direction if I got it through an IV!

So yesterday, I had a workshop in Margate to go to and mistake 1 was NOT printing out the MAPQUEST Directions when I had the chance. I already know I get lost easily, what made me believe I could pioneer my way to this place?

I left work early (for those in the know- this was a hassle and a half) and I headed on my way. TRAFFIC WAS A BIZNATCH! I was on the phone with Emory for a while before he went to class we discussed the negative effects of Venezuelan government; interesting debate.

I get on the highway after years of inching my way through the streets and it's JAMMED! I need to be at this place at 6PM I have no idea how to get there and I'm debating Chavez...who do I think I am MERLIN?

So I'm driving, so slowly I'm watching evolution occurring around me. I get to a place. At 6PM. The nice security guard tells me she doesn't know what I'm looking for but there are classrooms all down the way, I can search for where I'm supposed to be. Fantastic. I search ALL the classrooms and NOTHING. I go back to her she tells me she's new and to talk to some old lady.  After 2 hours of searching (typing with extra long red nails and using only her index finger) she asks me if I know the address and I tell her and she's like "You're in the wrong building!" YOU need to head WEST... "WEST" what a concept- too bad I have NO IDEA where "WEST" is unless I'm staring at a map of the US and I can see WEST =CALIFORNIA... I don't know what's "WEST" from where I'm standing. I never have, and I have lost all hope that I ever will.

So, I act like I knew what she was saying and left. I was 30 minutes late to this thing now so I contemplated making a U-ey and going home. But something told me to try and find the place, not to give up. I ended up following the road until it ended and the place was nowhere to be found I ended up in a GORGEOUS housing development. I turned around and headed straight back to the highway. Now all I have to do is head south (which is funny I know that much and yet I can't figure out "WEST") so I got on the interstate south. Now, I know how to get home from other places, but not from the interstate. I usually get off of it near my old house (very out of the way) and then climb up the streets and go home. But yesterday since I was little-miss-risk-taker, I decide to look for the correct way home. I get off of I-95 and get on 826, my address says W so I took 826W. Smart move right? OK.

I live on what's KNOWN AS 4AVE but it REALLY something else... I'll get to that in a second because there's where I ROYALLY FRIGGIN' BLEW IT! I see on 826W 12th AVE, and I live on fourth so I think W means the avenues are decreasing I should be the next exit.

Next exit 17th/22nd AVE... NOT IT! I get off to turn around, but when I get off the only thing to get back on is the FLORIDA TURNPIKE and that was going to head for Orlando and that's not where I was headed as much as I would've wanted to! SO I decided, "OK, you live off 1** ST and 4AVE, go decreasing in STREETS and then turn left or right on 17th to look for 4th...rational thought right? 

Well I head one way, and on 157 there's a curb only to the right.... I turn around and decide, "OK, look for 4th avenue first then go down streets. make a left...22nd ave...which when I got off of the 826 was to my right but whatever... so then I turn around and I get to 8th ave...

1 word described 8th AVE : DODGY!!!! OOH BOY- THAT'S THE PLACE YOU GO WHEN YOU WANT TO DUMP YOUR CAR AND CLAIM IT'S BEEN STOLEN FOR INSURANCE MONEY! It's SCARY! It's nearly 8PM now and I am S-C-A-R-E-D... so I turn around in a giant never-ending circle, and SOMEHOW, someway, I FIND the Turnpike thing again. I say fuck it! And I hop on, then I see...to 826E.. I think if west was increasing East will be decreasing... WRONG!!

Elaine is now Downtown by the beach! What's wrong with ME?!?!?!? I'm flipping out, so I decide I'm getting back on I-95 although my only option here is N which is where I came from. So, I say, I'm just going to start ALL over.

Here's goes nothing. I get on I-95 N. Then I get off on the next available exit to get back on I-95 S. OF COURSE NORMALLY, when someone gets off a highway exit and wants to get back on in the opposite direction for the MOST part you make a left and then the next left. Well, not where Elaine got off... NO it was a right. But Elaine made a left.... and there wasn't a U-Turn for like a mile... (I'm running low on gas here)...
I make said U-turn nearly get on I-95 N and then realize fatal mistake and get back on Southbound. GREAT FANTASTIC.

At this point I have GIVEN up and I call my father... HE'S SLEEPING and here I am coming up on the exit and I don't know where to go.."QUICK WAKE HIM! It's AN EMERGENCY!" I tell my mother. She wakes my brother (the guy who's got a great sense of direction- my guess is he took his share plus mine) and I tell him, he tells me HERE'S THE KICKER KIDS!!! I am supposed to get off on 57AVE off of 826W.... 4th AVE is only 4th AVE in HIALEAH (the shittiest CITY EVER!!!) and it's really 57th AVE to the REST OF MIAMI!!!! SO I got off there and suddenly birds chirped, the clouds disappeared, and a rainbow erupted through the sky and shined through my car.

Time of ARRIVAL at home: 8:15PM.

NEVER AGAIN PEOPLE. I can smell the GPS navigation system on Christmas morning!! I really can.

Who can live like this??? I got home crying of the excitement to know I survived my ordeal! I mean I could've been killed on the back street of 8th AVE... I don't have a friggin' clue where I was!

Seriously.

Update: You'll be so happy to know, I have a Garmin GPS system now and I named her Gigi, she's really lovely. I did not receive her Christmas morning instead I stole her from my father's business, as he originally bought it for deliveries. Tough! I need it more. My dad is the human GPS. Gigi has been great to me, she got me through tough times in Orlando, got me to Virginia, Texas, and Oklahoma, she's a little outdated but I promise to buy the latest maps as soon as possible. 

Want to guess how many times a trip I hear Gigi say, "recalculating"?

 

Between You, Me, and the Lamp Post

This blog makes me laugh now, but I was stupefied when it originally happened. It was shocking.

Original Blog Date: Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Oh Sexual Harassment, how you creep up out of nowhere, and you rear your ugly head at the worst possible time!

Here I am minding my business at work, being nice and sweet to everyone. Along comes a RETIRED engineer, who I am nice to, not more or less nice to him than anyone else at the office. HE doesn't work here anymore but he did for years and he's a friend to these people. Every time he came he would always tell me how pretty I am, which I'm used to from everyone (male or female) at the office because I'm the baby. He would always ask me why I didn't wear make up and how that would make me so much more beautiful. (SHOULD HAVE read the signs)

Last week, TO GET HIM OFF MY BACK, I wore a little Chapstick. He just went on and on about how beautiful I am, and how it brings out my great smile... Then he asks me if I have a boyfriend, to which I was honest, and he said, "Oh, I just figured that maybe your boyfriend had asked you not to wear make-up." SMOOTH HUH? Then before he leave he sits in front of me and asks, "Can you keep a secret?" (LESSON LEARNED: ALWAYS SAY NO!) I told him "SURE!" thinking he was going to burst out with a story about the office, one of the employees, or an embarrassing episode from his times here, or something a retired person does to relax, or some wise old guy advice. He tells me he'll tell me the following week.

Fast forward to yesterday. He shows up at the office, same old, same OLD... I go into one of the engineer's office (which is empty) to compare some paperwork and toss the duplicates, when in walks the retiree after me and asks again, if I can keep a secret. I again affirm, and then he tells me, "Well, Elaine, I think you're a wonderful girl, and I would like to take you out to lunch Saturday to a place I know you'll just love at 11AM."

INSERT GIANT GASP HERE!

I didn't know what to say, damn me and my respectful cowardice... I AGREED! HE asked me to write my address and my cell phone number on a paper for him and he would come get me Saturday and I followed suit. I left off my apartment number because he wasn't going to need it, and as he's leaving, he reads the paper and says "What's your apartment number? I'm an engineer I need to know every detail." AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! But here's the kicker, as he leaves, he looks over at the other's to make sure they can't overhear and says, "Now remember, this is between you, me and the lamp post."

Well, I held up my end, and didn't say anything to anyone at work, which I believe is the right/wrong thing to do, but I made DAMN sure, my family, and ALL of my friends knew, in case Elaine went missing never to be heard from again on Saturday.... I had a super GIANT headache, and I was feeling awful the whole rest of the day, and so I took his cell number from the Rolodex, and gathered all my bearings, and I called him last night...

I told him I was very sorry but I had to cancel because I felt uncomfortable with "keeping a secret" and because I would rather our relationship stay at the office. I told him inviting me out was a nice gesture, but completely unnecessary. HE seemed to take it well, and NOW I just have to sit and wait, to make sure he doesn't get upset and spread rumors about this at work, or show up at my house and kill me. But I honestly am giving him the benefit of the doubt (now that it's over) that his intentions were honorable, but still a little inappropriate.

WHEW! I'm glad I dodged that bullet.

Update: I am so grateful this experience is behind me, this man could be my grandfather. I was also grateful I was able to discuss this with my parents who were supportive and not judgmental of any of the parties involved. I did find out later, he is a bit of a dirty old man. Towards my last days at the office, I recounted my tale of woe to a co-worker or two. Both women said the same,  that he had done it before. Thank goodness, for a moment I thought by negating the invite that he would retaliate by telling my bosses I hit on him, which would obviously be fatal because they there lifelong buddies and I was just a lowly assistant.

Speed Racer, Thy Name is Elaine

In my defense, I can't help it.

Original Blog Date: Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Speeding- seriously, how dangerous can it be if everyone is doing it uniformly- if we're all going 100 how can it be unsafe? Flippin' A!

And seriously WHY ME?!

 

TICKET NUMERO UNO: Driving back from the KEYS- insert in car, one British kid, one Texan, and one Chi-town "raibow."

Clocked at 63 in a 35- who knew the Keys have 900 different speed friggin' limits!? DAMN IT! $200-some odd smackers Thank you Seargant Fuck-Me!

Yesterday 1 in the AM: NO ONE IS ON THE  FRIGGIN' ROAD! THERE'S A MINI GOING DOUBLE WHAT I'M DOING- A MERE 80... Come on I'm practically walking this bitch. LIGHTS! PANIC! Action.

Officer:"I clocked you at 88."

Me: "Are you kidding, I was definitely NOT doing more than 80 on this curb, and if I'd slowed down you woulda bit me in the ass."

Officer: "No, I was doing 110 and I still couldn't catch up to you."

Me: "In all honesty, I definitely think you clocked the dude before me."

Officer:"No, I followed you...you were weaving." (THAT'S A LIE)

Whatever....

INCREDIBLE! I mean DAMN IT!!!

The best part of all this was when the guy pulls me over I start making deals with God... after watching Evan Almighty, and telling my friend how I don't have faith. GOOD TIMES.

SO now I have like over $400.00  in tickets, and I feel that it's either a sign I'm going to croak in a car accident or that cops are just trying to give ticket's to Mitsubishi drivers...It's making Me-SO-Bitchy!!!

Alright, so the moral of the story here, kids, is, go the speed limit.

I even told the cop that  I thought the speed limit seemed to be more like a suggestion- no one cared...

Officer: "Yea, I know, like right now, I'm writing you up and these people are going like 80 but I don't care about them." (Thanks Lieutenant Lucky-Straw!)

Yea, tickets blow, so I decide let's try this old Speed limit thing. Maybe senior citizens know something I don't. SO I TRY going at 35 when I was at the Keys (I could've ran alongside it and passed it)... then last night I tried again (practice must make perfect) started out at 55 then before I knew it I was going 70... Well, can you believe it, some guy passed me and gave me the get-off-the-road-slow-poke face!

I mean in order to appease him I would've had to go like 90....The best part is that I go slower in my new car than I used to in my old car.... I've always driven 90-100+ and now I go 80 or less and it's like every cop in the world has their damn radar gun pointed at me...

WILL I EVER LEARN?

Update: Since then, I continue to speed, but I certainly try not to a lot more than before. I recently got pulled over during the summer on a drive up to stay with a friend in Orlando. The cop said, "You weren't the only one speeding, there were two other cars, a Jeep, and another SUV, you were just the one who pulled over fastest!" Guess I did a different sort of speeding, but no ticket this time! YAY!

 

My First Stirrings to Become a Teacher

I know it might seem odd when you read the post because I'm still talking about my car and cell phone but notice carefully how I mention I want to change from a job to a career. It will literally be the first time I voiced my opinions about changing jobs, however, I don't think teaching was in the cards just yet.

Original Blog Date: Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Damn, I've been a little blog crazy lately.

So, for those of you who read these suckers and have been with me through all these trial and tribulations. Here is the latest.

As of yesterday at 7PM, I have my NEXTEL phone service back- same number kids! Only thing is I have to wait til the 3rd of July to ditch them and go to some other carrier. For all I went through, I guess this isn't so bad.

Car- I was so excited to have paid off the old hunk-of-junk but I never thought I'd actually have to junk it, at least not so SOON! I think the car was paid off for like 10 minutes and then it broke down FOREVER. SO yesterday, Daddy (aka my GOD) went out to Carmax and put a used car under his name for me to pay for 6 YEARS! Let's hope and pray I pay it off soon.My dad returned the car not even 24 hours later and I got a new car from some unnamed dealer, since I wasn't a party to the shopping experience. 

Side note: I like my job, but I am starting to think about going somewhere else. Seriously, this is NOT what I went to college for, and even though, I like it here A LOT, it's tri-fold better than my last job- except for some people who I miss from over there... it's time for bigger, better. I know there are positions out there, and here I come to snatch one up. Maybe not next week, but soon.

So there it is, I have a car and a phone, and all is well with the world once again... I was telling a friend yesterday, "I can't believe what a low threshold of misery I have." I mean people go all their lives without cell phones or cars, and I go two days without them and I literally got SICK. I had a fever yesterday that was through the flippin' roof! I was convulsing. I have a terrible, horrible, painful cough, and it came out of NOWHERE- I strongly believe that the stress lowered my immunity, and I caught a flu. Incredible huh?

But it doesn't matter, my girls are getting here Friday, we're going to the Keys WHETHER IT KILLS ME OR NOT! Hell or high water, I don't care about my health, the weather, the money, NOTHING. I am determined to have a FANTASTIC time, I will not sit around all weekend playing board games with them!- Although, I'm sure there'll be a Taboo match or two...

So that's that. LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL!

Leave Nothing to Chance

This blog is a bit of a bummer, but truth be told I'm glad it's behind me and now I can sit back, reminisce about it, think, "Damn, this was not so bad." I'll write the update here. I got everything resolved with the cellphones (didn't have to pay a dime), thanks to some woman named Laura, who did some digging for me over at Nextel, bless her. Not even a day after I lost Mazda 626 my dad bought a Kia something or other which we returned the next day and my brother picked me up later in my new-used Mitsubishi Galant who I fondly call Gary. He's great to me, and I in turn definitely try to be great to him.

Original Blog Date: Monday, June 4, 2007

It's got nothing to do with LUCK.

Because if there were such a thing, I would be seriously lacking.

I'm not ungrateful. I have AMAZING Family, and GREAT friends.

However, I feel like all odds are against me. This week. So, I'm super excited about my friends coming this weekend, I have everything all planned out and then BAM. BOOM. KA-POW!

I mean to switch from Nextel to TMobile on the 15th of July- well, TMobile disconnects my phone the 1st of June- I'm not paying the cancellation fee from Nextel, because I DIDN'T AUTHORIZE the damn change, but Nextel will add an additional MONTH of Service for 120 smackers in order to reconnect my line, so I'm NEITHER HERE NOR THERE! Except, I am without ANY TYPE OF COMMUNICATION THROUGH ANYTHING! Very, very, disconcerting.

Moving on, we all recall my CAR DILEMMA! The drama that is... well, yesterday, I went to the Alehouse and after dropping off my best friend, his parting words were, "you should get that oil changed," which we all knew really meant, "your car is fucked" I remember for as long as I have driven him, he's been telling me I need a new car...and we were just talking about his odds of being correct- OBVIOUSLY another point in his mother flippin' favor!

Well, it's 1 AM and I'm on the highway going home, with my rattly car and my disconnected cell phone... The car breaks down on the highway. I get towed ($85-that I would've had for when my friends visit) then I missed work today, to take the car to the mechanic, and then he tells me the car is a loss... the engine is stuck and the gears wont move, and that the car is going to be more expensive to fix than what it ended up costing. So he told me to sell it. SO, now I have no car and 300 bucks in my pocket. I don't know what to do with myself. I need a car and PRONTO, and of course since I have $00.00 savings, I can buy- I don't know what, but probably not even a bus pass.

I'm most angry because I thought I was finally moving ahead. I was meant to be moving forward and getting out of debt, and now I'm being sucked back! Well, maybe it's a blessing REALLY, REALLY well disguised!

I'm not going to let this hold me back, this isn't the end of me. I'll eventually have my cell back, and I'll eventually have a car. It just doesn't feel like there's an end in sight to all these terrible odds. I know there's a reason for this, and I don't even want to know why, but it's happened and now I have to make the best of it.

Alright, enough of this hippie spiritual talk, I'm just bummed out is all, but I always keep a positive outlook, it's definitely the way to be. F-CARS AND PHONES and our attachment to the two.

Craig

This Blog I wrote after my dad's business partner and super close family friend, Craig C. passed away. It was a very big blow for my family, he was just 28 and he is still missed everyday.

Original Blog Date: September 21, 2005

I recently lost someone very close to me. I am at a loss for mental activity. I have never been through something so devastating, because it not only changed the course of the person's life but also the course of mine. I miss him because I took him for granted and I always thought he'd be around. Without him now a lot more worries surface, that I don't know how to face. I know I'll be alright if I take things one day at a time. It's unbelievable how from one minute to the next your whole life can change. One thing I know now is that life is certainly not promised and you can't be certain of anything in life except death. I know he is now in a better place, and he deserves his rest after all he went through. I miss him though and I wish I could turn back time and make things go back to normal. But reality is hard and it jolts be back like a thousand volts. I feel very wishy washy lately but I hope to be back to my old self soon, crying only gets you brief release. I have to make peace with my new situation and the fact that he is never coming back and only hope that one day...

Ode To My Cellphone

This blog is just to recap a few of the many times I have had phone issues (mainly losing it) and always managing to find it.

Original Post Date: Tuesday, May 22, 2007 

Alright gang!I just wanted to take a minute and write a little "thank you" to my flippin' phone, man!I mean how many times have I lost it? How many different models have I lost? Seriously, those who know can recount quite a few times, restaurants, cars, houses, WALT DISNEY WORLD (come on- who loses their phone there and gets it back? Seriously.), A couple weeks ago at Winn Dixie, and just last Friday at Spirits Night Club at the Hardrock.FOUND... Every. Time. I have had the telephone number since FOREVER, and it's never failed to make it's way back to me... I know I'm probably jinxing it with this blog, but what are the damn odds people?!My sunglasses don't come back to me! I'm not gonna stroll down the shore of the beach and say, "there you are sunglasses!" NO! That's just not going to occur, and yet, my PHONE! Oh, heavenly little apparatus that "does what it Do!"And this latest model, it's been through so much with me, and it is still hanging in there, the little guy. I think it's biggest loss was the ability to radio- since after all isn't that the POINT of Nextel phones?But, I'm grateful for whatever capabilities this little sucker has left. Besides my plan ends in a couple weeks (or is it days?) and then I have to choose a new phone and a new plan... but the SIM card- that sucker's been the same-sizzle forever-izzle!!!!!Well, that's all I have to say about my little guy-Thanks phone- keep it tight! 

Update: The phone no longer exists, I am very happy with TMobile now, and I have lost my phone since, and still recuperated it. It's the one thing in life that shouldn't be dependable, and yet, it is. For which I continue to be grateful.

Sunglasses: A Necessity and Yet Also a Malady

During my College Program I am sad to report that I must have spent most of my paychecks buying sunglasses. I worked outside in the sun, Disney has regulation on what kind we can wear in front of guests, and as you'll read I lost or broke the majority of them. I am happy to report that in late 2007 or so, I bought 2 pairs at 2 for $20.00 and they are still to this day in tact. It might have been something in the Orlando air.

Original Blog Date: Monday, May 14, 2007

A moment of silence.

ALRIGHT KIDS! I lost my FAVORITE SUNGLASSES (because they're always my favorite when I lose them) I don't know where, or how, but they are, as N'Sync would sing, "GONE!" and I miss them oh-so-terribly as I am prone to headaches due to chronic squinting! And now  the search is on, it's time to find me a new FAVORITE Pair! Why is it that I lose Sunglasses so EASILY? I think I must've spent my entire final Disney paychecks on Sunglasses and NOT one pair exists....
My favorite story was when they were smacked clear off my face and into the ocean by a giant wave at Cocoa Beach, it was as if the sea was saying, NO, BITCH you can't HAVE THESE! So, in conclusion, I think everyone should own a cat.

Clarification: I would like to apologize or rather clarify the ending to this anecdote. I was not attempting to be all Gertrude Stein, but really, it was more of a shout-out to my friend Raul who told me in a communications class during speeches, one particular student gave a rather rousing speech only to conclude with the final thought of cat owning.

It went a little like this:

"Have you ever heard of Grand Theft Auto? This game is stock full of prostitution, violent rage, theft, and other horrors. So in conclusion, I think everyone should own a cat."

- Unknown

My Birthday Bummer Weekend 2007

This blog speaks for itself. It's just a recap of the weekend of my 24th birthday. Needless to say after this I needed a stiff drink.

Original Blog Date: Tuesday, January 30, 2007

So how's this for a sour weekend before my birthday!?!?

Friday: On my lunch break I went to cash my check (GOOD TIMES) and left car keys locked in car with car on! FANTASTIC! Asked a police officer for help and he said the county took away their Jimmy's... Awesome... I WAITED 1 HOUR and some-odd in the bank waiting for a Locksmith (super expensive-o and a complete waste!), when a young man at the bank offered to try to pry open my car. Different cop sees us STRUGGLIN' and comes over and says the most ironic phrase in the history of desperate times, "want me to open that for you in like 2 MINUTES?" My reply, "Yes, an HOUR ago!" Good news is I saved a shitload of money by switching to Geico (just kidding) but I did save on the aforementioned locksmith :) Then Friday evening- I get A FRANTIC phone call that a mutual friend of mine is in the hospital (thank goodness I called his girlfriend for a calmer account of the situation) turns out my buddy's gonna make it after all! Just like Mary Tyler Moore!

Saturday: uneventful (my fault- sorry to my friend Jackie, but more sorry for me, it's my birthday weekend for crying out loud!) 

Sunday: Got the new kitchen in the new apartment installed (FABULOUS and GORGEOUS!) DOWNSIDE ~ Some fucker hit my car when doing some maneuver he/she OBVIOUSLY did not know how to do! Unhinged my left side-view mirror DAMN YOU!

Monday: APOCALYPSE NOW... My car breaks down, (battery/alternator/ bad maintenance due to owner being a girl, me, who knows squat about cars except how to speed!), dies (the car not the girl) in the middle of HELL-A-LEAH, some tow truck driver comes to "rescue" aka sexually harass girl while towing car to safety... then takes girl to an ATM machine whereby I am supposed to cough up a mere $55 smackers for towing my insignificant car 20 blocks- HONESTLY! So I go to said ATM and get 60 beans. I pay the douche, and he says he doesn't have the 5 bananas to pay me back (ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME?!?!?) He's like is $4 OK? AND NEVER HANDED ME THE MULA... Yea it's OK- SCHMUCK. Finally home after said ordeal...Get home quick fast to renew AAA membership so this Bullshit does not happen again.... but... where's my... ATM machine? OH NO!! Mother-of-pearl, I flippin' left my damn ATM card in the dinkin' machine, I return and lo-and-behold it's not there anymore!

Tuesday: Woke up crazy early to get a ride to work from el BROVA-man. On the way... I forgot my dress shoes... return trip 1. Get to work. Later, on my lunch break, 900 missed calls later... 1 Voicemail from the bro, "ELAINE HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO GET THE CAR FIXED IF YOU HAVE THE CAR KEYS!" Mistake. OOPS, I am officially a tard.

Wednesday (el futuro)- my birthday... no car, no cash, no fun. PRICELESS.The end...or is it? Could my luck get possibly worse or is there really nowhere to go but up from here? (I've got to say, all in all, I'm optimistic- it has to get better now right?) No worries- it's just life. I'm gonna make the best of it, even when it's kickin' me so hard it's knockin' the wind out of me. ::Insert silver lining here:: 

For now, that's all kiddies.

Update: Honestly, I can't remember how that birthday went... I'm sure I resisted against any celebrating. But it's these kinds of things you have got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and just say yes, I can... as Eeyore would say.

'Tis a SMALL World After All

This one was about the roommates I originally had at Chatham on the Disney Program and  how you never know who you'll meet.

Original Blog Date:  Tuesday June 13, 2006

 I went out with an Aladdin co-worker and her friends one night to have a good time and drink, and on our way home we decide to eat at Whaddaburger...while waiting for our delicious meal Rachelle starts to talk about her roommates and how they suck ass! And so knowing where she lives but not knowing the apartment number I ask her and it turns out she lives in my old apartment! I swear It's a Small World sounds cliche but it holds such F-in truth! Turns out I am the infamous "ELAINE" who moved out and her and the other normal roommate have been wanting to meet me to see what kind of person I was etc., etc. It was fabulous! We just kept agreeing on how they girls were trolls and nasty, and how we don't like to call people ugly but in this case there was no way around it...blah blah blah...AWESOME. Just goes to show...everything I wrote in that old Roommate blog was and is TRUE...Turns out the Recluse (Roommate #1) got sent home because she broke a leg but the other two...the booger-eater and the pill-popper are still hanging tough! Either way I was wishing I would meet the poor girl that took my place in that Hell-hole and I always prayed it would be someone as uncool as them so they wouldn't suffer as I did but oh, no. Life was ill-fated for Rachelle and Molly...but it's OK; they know there's support out there for them and they have each other. If it wasn't for meeting my coworker Jennie I would still be wondering who moved into 24303.

P.S. Rachelle said that I had like LOADS of Mail there...and those bitches never FORWARDED it to ME! RUDE!

What Have I Done?

This too is a pretty old blog. It's in memory of my long gone Mazda 626. Here's the story of how I made her terminal.

Original Blog Date: Monday, November 28, 2005

I am dropping off a friend (the first time I've ever not been driven by her) and I notice my car is over heating...and by that I mean I noticed the little lever was pointed to H....so I turned off the car and asked her for water and something to open the cap with....She (sweet unknowing child) goes to get the hose and I walkie-talkie the little runt I fondly know as my brother, on my Nextel CRAP Phone!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, he's poured water in the radiator thingy before so I asked him (so as not to alarm my rents at this time of night) I ask him "there are two tanks; BLACK or WHITE?" he says "...Black long strip..." I understood that as the black tank...he also added it would be best to pour antifreeze rather than water...SO I check my trunk and I got me some ANTIFREEZE...(which will be a problem later)...and I uncap the BLACK tank...........I pour the antifreeze...having recently watched my father pour water into someone else's radiator thing-a-majig, I realize it was not full...SO I radio the runt AGAIN and he agrees it should be full to the brim (his sorry ass is out somewhere thinking I had followed his damn directions correctly) so my friend and I start pouring water from the hose into this tank and after what seems like an era...we finally got it to pour over... so we cap it and I go to start the car and leave when we hear the car sound like it's gargling Scope! I jumped out of the car and left it running! Then we see that BLACK water is coming out of my car so I think (as retardedly as possible) BURNT WATER! Houston we have a PROBLEM! Well, turns out, for those of you who already know where this shit is going, I filled my engine with water and antifreeze and ran it through the entire system for like 2 minutes!!!!!!!! Needless to say I was towed and my engine is likely to be a total loss! Is this a sign that I'm not supposed to go away to Orlando? I hope not... Anyway, funny story but truly traumatizing....I know where the water goes now!

A BlogBlast from the PAST!

I originally wrote this sucker when I was living in Orlando on the Disney College Program. This goes to show not everything goes as planned in a new living situation. Read after the blog for the update.
Original Blog Date: January 13, 2006


I don't live there anymore so I can finally reveal the awful truth~! I despised my old roommates! I moved to Orlando on the Disney College Program and I was moved into the beautiful Chatham Square, everything was beautiful, my address my driveway, my room, my view, etc. UNFORTUNATELY, I had the most not beautiful roommates. I will break it down for you... I will leave their names out for obvious reasons...
Roommate 1: Looked like a mouse, had peach fuzz on her face, thought she was Asian (because she literally wore a karate jumpsuit with her black belt, cooked food from Epcot Japan and never cleaned up after herself was a complete slob.... she told me it was what happened when 4 people live together (FYI, I live with more people now and the house isn't messy) She didn't have friends from the ages of 5-15 (hello! SOCIAL skills lacking severely!) And she thought she knew everything about religion and civilization- she was smart no denying it but she was condescending as shit! She talked down to everyone in the house and she was actually the shortest one there. She seemed like she was irritated ALL the time I felt like she was PMS-ing eternally! She was always trying to be really practical and really helpful but it was just annoying and condescending...WE ARE ALL ADULTS FOOL!
Roommate 2: Ate her boogers...'nuff said. I kid you not. Actually, she was the messiest of all. She would eat with her mouth open, drop jelly on her clothes or on the floor and not clean it up. She would leave cans open everywhere, and never throw out trash let alone put anything in it, never washed anything. She made me sick just looking at how dirty she was. Super sweet down home girl, had a tragic life but that didn't excuse the nastiness. She drove slower than a bus...LITERALLY. Made me carsick (and I am not a carsick-y person) It was awful, dumb as a doornail... said things like "Hi-dee-ho!" WHOA!
Roommate 3: She was the straw that broke the camel's back. The reason I finally moved out. She was a monster, this girl was surgically altered! And I don't mean silicon breasts and lipo, I mean corrective surgery- her brother was cute though -too bad. She was also condescending. See a pattern. Went to sleep at 8pm and woke up at the crack of friggin' dawn to take medication- it looked like we had opened a CVS pharmacy in the apartment! She would turn the heater up to 80 and expect me not to melt away. So I would change the heater to 60 when she wasn't looking and she would retaliate and bring it back up so I would open my window (which is my right because I payed the same amount of friggin' rent and I could do as I liked.) One night I actually heard her say CLEARLY in her sleep" "IF YOU MESS WITH THE AIR AGAIN, I WILL KILL YOU" now those are some strong WORDS huh? Well anyway, one night after I got home from work and was out of the shower, she came up to me and told me if I opened the window she would have me kicked out and she would close the window if I opened it "because quite frankly you're making me sick" (Due to the window opening, I have like pneumonia or bronchitis over here!) But she also told me that she and the other two had gone to put in a complaint about me. There. That was all.
ALL I wanted to do since I got there was get rid of these girls from my life, I was so upset I would have to live with them till AUGUST, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings! AREN'T I A FUCKING SAINT!? Well, after the big ugly bitches ranted and raved I packed ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL of my belongings as I cried, cussed at my parents on the phone, was IRATE, had my blood pressure through the roof, and was melting because the heater was at an astounding 1,000,000 degrees. Then I went to sleep at 2:30 AM and woke up at six to wait for the bus to take me to find out about the complaint and there was none (it was all a LIE) and I asked to be moved and they (the housing counselors) said it would take 2-3 weeks! HELL NO! They said they could expedite the move if we had counseling. So some lady came out and tried to talk me out of it, while someone called the roommates over. I only told her about that night and how I have never really felt comfortable there and she was telling me to keep trying what if things got worse etc. etc. Then she went to talk to the other girls (if you can call them that) and then she came back out with notes and shit (so clearly they gave her an earful about me-which I am grateful for...) and then the lady filled out a request form for me to be moved that same day, and GOD KNOWS I WAS JUMPING FOR JOY!!
Unfortunately, I was moved to another apartment complex, which is a little shabby, but the ROOMMATES! OH, THESE FOLKS KICK the other MONSTERS'S ASSES! I am so grateful to be with them, the sweetest, altruistic, smart, nice, NORMAL and pretty girls!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!
Update: Yes, that was the story of my tribulations the first month of my life in Orlando. I should've known things were going to be awful when Roommate #1 told me her name was Kimberly but never to call her that- she wanted to go by Chris. Right.
Then she told my brother and I how she googled how many people in her town had her exact name and how many of those people had the same birthday as her also.
Roommate #2. ATE HER BOOGERS- Hideeho's name was something forgettable. I remember her perfectly but the name doesn't come to mind.
Roommate #3, was a disaster and a half. The surgery she had had was to correct one of North Carolina's worst cases of under bite (her mother told me).
I'm so glad I left there. But it wasn't all peaches after I moved to the new place. I'll write a blog about life in 3905 at Vista Way, or Vista Lay as it was named by PLAYBOY magazine.